When Should You Leave A Relationship For Good?
Should I Leave My Relationship?
We aren’t talking normal, run of the mill ‘relationships because of convenience’ here. We’re talking true soulmate, or twinflame love.
The kind of relationship that feels wildly different. The kind of connection that sometimes feels frequently magical; often, like a gift from above (because it is).
The kind of relationship that feels other-worldly. It’s like – how does this person always understand my needs, always continue to show up for me? That’s the kind of relationship I’m talking about here.
You constantly think of them, dream of them, often you seem to communicate even without words and beyond distance. You find yourself often showing up in new ways; and feel amazed at your own growth.
You just seem to innately understand one another, you see one another, beyond the superficial. It’s so beyond the ‘get the bag sis’ and ‘how to attract somebody ‘high value’ ‘ nonsense that proliferates all over the internet.
No matter what happens between you, you always find your way back together, with somehow unlimited forgiveness and grace, for yourself and them.
It seems so pure, somehow.
And all of this is mutual – you know they feel and experience this connection just as you do.
Plus, the relationship is super hot.
But for some reason, despite the intensity and magic, things don’t seem to flow the way you expected.
Maybe it’s not as easy as you imagined, or the obstacles feel overwhelming; maybe some things have started to feel sticky or conflict has started to arise. You’ve said things and done things you probably regret, and you feel you’ve let yourself, and them, down.
Maybe you’re questioning if the connection is even beyond repair, or even worth fighting for.
Signs Your Relationship Isn’t Working Right Now
You might be looking for signs that things are wrong in your relationship right now, and these are some common feelings and responses that come up when you are not in alignment to love.
It’s important to understand that this does not mean you are not aligned to your person, or the relationship itself.
- Emotional distance, where you don’t feel connected
- Unspoken tension that lingers, even when everything else seems “fine” on the surface.
- The urge to withdraw and you’re not even sure why
- You can’t seem to stop writing mini checklists in your head of everything that’s wrong
- The nagging thought that maybe there’s someone else out there who would “fit” better
- Perhaps you’ve even begun to self-sabotage a little, without understanding why. This can look like returning to old habits that you know don’t serve you (but provide a subconscious sense of safety). Perhaps you’ve started to eat more, or stopped exercising, or you sleep more.
- Frequent, or more intense conflict even if it’s minor, stays on your mind and makes you question other things in the relationship.
Why Do I Feel Distant And Disconnected In My Relationship
These are signs that you and your thoughts have not been aligned to love and the relationship you want; not the relationship itself or that there is anything wrong with the other person.
When we start to focus on things that are wrong in our relationship, often these things seem to grow in magnitude ‘what you focus on expands’.
The only way to have a consistently positive, expansive relationship – the kind that even enriches your entire life – is to ensure that you are
1) constantly thinking of your relationship
2) ensuring your dominant thoughts about your person and about the relationship are positive and feel good.
This requires a lot of mind-control.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue – Proverbs 21
Why Do I Always Doubt My Relationship?
Firstly, it’s normal to doubt our relationship and to question ‘is this really right for me? is this person really right for me?’
Because we are all so conditioned into fear-based responses, when we start to feel uncertain, disconnected, or in pain; we look to our external stimuli as the cause.
We logically think that we feel this way because of our relationship or partner or series of incidents within the relationship;
followed by the conditioned response that therefore the relationship might not be the right relationship for us.
But the truth is – your relationship and soulmate / or twin flame,
– are usually not the cause of your pain / trouble / fear.
Fear is just a thought, and doubt is a version of fear. It tells us in the Bible 365 times ‘do not fear’ – which is also telling us not to doubt. Doubt lets the devil in, which leads us away from love.
Once you can reprogram your thoughts and your conditioned responses, you will see your relationship becomes a source of joy again so fast.
But, how can you tell if that nagging feeling is actually your intuition guiding you to some place better?
how can you tell if it is truly fear and trauma leading you down the wrong path away from love, or whether you’re truly just not compatible?
What is the real fear that causes us to doubt our relationship in the first place?
The Real Reason People Leave Good Relationships
The most common reason for people to leave a truly beautiful connection might surprise you. The most common reason people leave is fear of being left. That’s what we really mean when we say ‘I’m not sure this is going to work’.
In a culture of disposable relationships where relationship breakdowns are even televised (Amber and Johnny) and love is trash tv (love island) and we all mistrust one another in a post-covid, politically divided world,
we are conditioned through repetitive exposure to toxic relationships, relational trauma and breakdown – our minds perceive and understand that this is what relationships must truly be like. That love has to hurt.
Our parents received the same messages, and passed those messages on to us.
As a result we are all scared of the thing we all need and crave the most – love.
Soulmate Love
In particular, soulmate love. Soulmate love is a sanctuary, healing for our bodies and minds. (I believe it can completely transform the whole world but… more on that later). Its our soft space to land.
Because soulmate love is so good… we are terrified to lose it.
We are scared we will mess it up; because society told us we aren’t enough.
We are scared it won’t last; because, swipe society tells us things are disposable.
We are scared it’s a myth; because, pop culture and music tells us it is.
We are scared we don’t know how to hold it safely; because we were not shown how.
We don’t even know if it’s real. We don’t know if we can trust our own feelings.
Because we were shown caregivers we could not trust emotionally, we frequently can’t even trust ourselves and the reflection of our own hearts; the very goodness of who we are; our soulmate.
We are scared this incredible thing we have been given, wasn’t really meant for us. We are constantly waiting for the shoe to drop and for it to be taken away from us.
Maybe we don’t deserve this. Maybe they’ll find the truth out about us, and then they’ll leave anyway. I’m not good enough for this. I’ll let them down and mess it up because I always do. I’m not even good enough for myself. Perhaps if I just get hotter / thinner / more healed / have a better house / job / accolade – I’ll be more worthy and deserving. THEN, maybe I can have it.
So many fears, so little trust. Let me gift you with a little something here.
Does Real Love Ever Die?
I want you to know – in my experience as a coach – true soulmates rarely leave eachother.
In fact, these relationships are so safe and strong that all of your old wounds arise precisely so that you can see how loved you truly are. That no matter how much you mess up, the truth is, true love doesn’t leave.
I’ve worked with clients who have married and had children with other people, divorced and remarried their soulmates they’d met forty years earlier. I’ve coached clients into strong loving partnerships when separated by thousands of miles, affairs, seemingly impossible legal circumstances.
I myself have two ex boyfriends STILL watch ALL of my stories on social media – and we were in a relationship over twenty years ago. They weren’t my soulmate, but we did have lovely connection.
In my opinion – true connection never dies. Soulmates are meant to be together, and serve a higher purpose too.
So if your subconscious fear is ‘we’ve messed this up so many times’ or ‘we can’t seem to get this right’
Maybe you’re not meant to, yet. But you are on the way to getting it right.
You can, and you will. I promise you this – your relationship can make it. Your relationship IS meant to be.
I’ve seen so many soulmate relationships transform from ashes, to absolute perfection.
So if your relationship really can give you everything you need, and be healed, restored, whatever else you want and desire – why is it currently feeling so hard? What can we do to realign our relationship to the love we are born for?
Why Does My Relationship Feel So Hard?
In soul connections, it’s common for the ego to create resistance, often because the relationship or person feels so good or close to perfect!
When things feel hard, or intimacy becomes too vulnerable, our defense mechanisms kick in.
That protective part of you—the one conditioned by old programs, past fears, and beliefs—tells you that leaving is easier– the ego tries to preserve itself by creating emotional distance from the thing it believes might cause us pain or hurt.
But here’s the deeper truth: What you’re feeling isn’t usually a sign to walk away. Instead –
- A sign to look within at your beliefs around relationships. Ask yourself – what do I believe about relationships being hard or easy? What am I currently believing about myself in relation to relationships? What am I believing about my partner?
- A sign to choose new thoughts every time the old, unaligned ones arise
- A sign to persist in new, positive thoughts
- A sign to release attachment style or psychological ‘wound programming’ – you are not broken and neither is your relationship
- A sign to ask yourself what do you need to do to create deeper feelings of safety for yourself so the perceived threat of intimacy starts to feel less present (use the above points to help you)
- A sign to understand and manage relationship triggers and anxiety which make you want to leave the relationship
- A sign to ask yourself how you can get deeper support for your relationship – find a prayer or manifestation partner, focus on sharing positive relationship experiences with friends, create an affirmation practice, find a coach or relationship book that expands you – not that focusses on the negative.
By shifting the energy in the relationship and the perceptions you hold around relationships and love, you create deeper internal safety, which then enables you to show up fully for the relationship you desire and deserve.
The relationship you already have.
If you really didn’t want the relationship…
You wouldn’t be here reading this post. You likely already know there is a part of you that truly wants this relationship to succeed. You just want the overthinking to stop. You want the problems to stop.
But, you believe in this relationship. You know, deep down, this relationship is a gift, perfect. And you want someone to tell you it can work.
It can.
Is My Relationship Broken?
It’s easy to want to leave a relationship when things feel uncertain, but it’s important to recognize why these doubts arise. The truth is, most of the time, it’s not the relationship that’s broken—it’s your subconscious programming playing out as it was designed to.
These are some of the reasons we hold as truth, as to why you might feel compelled to want to leave:
- Fear of Vulnerability: True intimacy requires deep vulnerability, which can feel uncomfortable if you’ve been conditioned to protect yourself.
- Hyper-Independence: If you’ve spent years relying on yourself, letting someone fully in can feel like losing control.
- Old Patterns: You may be playing out old stories—whether from past relationships or childhood—that tell you love should feel difficult, always involves conflict, or that it always ends in disappointment.
- Ego’s Defense Mechanism: The ego can shut down emotional connection as a way to protect itself from potential pain or perceived rejection.
- Fear of loss / abandonment: we all hold these fears as a natural by-product of being human. Fear of abandonment is a survival mechanism for infants, and the shadow of this survival imprint remains with us.
- Anxiety and overwhelming feelings when triggered
- Feelings of inadequecy
- Indecision (usually has roots in fear)
- Lack of faith and trust in God
- Trust programming – contemporary culture fetishizes divorce, separation, disposable relationships and independence
- Lack of trust in self
- Parental modelling can sometimes mean you don’t know what it looks like to be in a healthy relationship
All of these reasons are surface-level manifestations of a deeper fear: fear of intimacy, fear of being seen, and fear of receiving the love you deserve.
These fears are normal, but they don’t have to dictate your actions.
Recognizing them as ego-driven allows you to break free from these cycles and create a deeper, more fulfilling connection.
These reasons are not the truth of who you are, or what needs to continue to drive your relationship. They were conditioned patterns of thought and behaviour.
From this point forward, you no longer need to let old patterns, thoughts or fears dictate how you feel, or your relationship.
You can decide, they are not your truth. Your fears are not who you are.
Heal Your Relationship
Attachment theory is the latest pop psychology craze, which is driving us all crazy. While it can be useful, it can also drive us insane trying to fix ourselves, heal ourselves, and fix our relationship.
We stay stuck in this cycle of healing. They can also be a determining label that you focus on which then becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. If you’re consantly labelling your partner as ‘avoidant’ or saying things like ‘perhaps we don’t work’ logically; what do you think you will create?
Attachment theory doesn’t fully encompass the spiritual, energetic nature of soul connections. Your attachment style might explain how you react to conflict or distance, but it’s limiting – and whatever you think about attachment styles, what you need to know is – it doesn’t dictate the future of your relationship.
You’re not bound to being “anxious” or “avoidant”. You have the power to override these labels and move beyond them by mastering your thoughts, the energy you bring into the relationship.
The real work is less about focusing on what attachment style you are or your partner is, and more about elevating the energy of the relationship to one of love, abundance, and true intimacy.
These Questions Might Save Your Relationship
If you’re really still unsure about your relationship right now, try asking yourself these questions. These questions will help you take accountability for your relationship – it surprises my clients to know it only takes one person to transform the entire dynamic of the relationship.
The hard truth that most people don’t like hearing is ‘it’s not them, it’s you’.
It’s confronting, but it’s also super empowering to know that if you truly take responsibility for how the relationship appears right now; you alone can also completely recreate it. It doesn’t even take a lot of ‘hard work’ – just a willingness to see and approach your relationship in new ways.
- How can I believe this relationship is strong and good? What is good and great about our relationship? Vs why is our relationship so bad, should I leave
- What do I love about this person? instead of ‘why do they always / never do this?’
- What have I been guilty of believing about my person, our relationship, or love in general? Can I see how these thoughts grew like bad seeds, becoming self-fulfilling prophecies? What would I like to focus on instead?
- What do I truly believe I am worthy of receiving in my relationships? What can I start to believe my relationship can become? write it down – word it like this ‘my relationship is always so calm / listened to / supported / seen / understood / connected’ etc
- Who have I been talking to about my relationship? Am I truly seeking wise counsel, or am I seeking opinions from friends? How can I change this to ensure my relationship receives full, unbiased support?
- How can I commit to making my new thoughts dominant truths? What do I need to commit to every day to ensure these thoughts become solid in my mind?
- How can I continue to see the good in our relationship while the old experiences and stories die off?
- How can I start to develop deeper faith and trust in my partner and our relationship?
- What do I truly believe is possible? What do I want?
Should You Stay in a Soul Connection?
The truth is, if you’re in a true soul connection, leaving is only ever your instinct when you’re living in a place of fear – usually, the fear you can’t have what you want.
Remember – you designed your person to be exactly the way they are based on your thoughts and feelings about them, about relationships and love in general, and about yourself.
Souldmates don’t always mirror us directly and immediately (time is non-linear) but a true soulmate always shows us the truth of who we are. The reality of that can feel painful, confronting, sad even.
But you can’t heal your relationship by trying to fix them, or fix the relationship, or even leaving the relationship.
The relationship is simply reflecting back to you what thoughts you need to shift and change, in order for the reflection to show you a new version of itself.
It’s a bit like applying makeup in the mirror. You wouldn’t stare in the mirror and hope your reflection shows up wearing lipstick, right? You show up to the mirror wearing new lipstick, and the reflection shows it back to you.
Is Your Relationship Safe?
In a culture of disposable relationships where relationship breakdowns are even televised (Amber and Johnny) and love is trash tv (love island) and we all mistrust one another in a post-covid, politically divided world, what we are all scared of is the thing we all need the most – love.
In particular, soulmate love. Soulmate love can be a sanctuary, healing for our bodies and minds. Its our soft space to land.
And the good news is – in my experience as a coach, true soulmates rarely leave eachother.
In fact, these relationships are so safe and strong that all of your old wounds arise precisely so that you can see how loved you truly are. That no matter how much you mess up, the truth is, true love doesn’t leave. So if your subconscious fear is ‘we’ve messed this up so many times’ or ‘we can’t seem to get this right’
You’re not meant to, yet. But you can, and you will. I promise you this. I’ve seen so many soulmate relationships transform from ashes to absolute perfection.
If you feel resistance, it’s likely internal—coming from past beliefs, fears of intimacy, or the ego’s way of self-protection. This isn’t a sign to leave, but a signal to dive deeper into yourself, your energy, and the relationship.
You only truly leave when one of the three A’s is present:
- Addiction (when it leads to destructive behavior).
- Adultery (when trust has been irreparably broken).
- Abuse (when physical, emotional, or mental harm is involved).
Outside of these situations, what you’re experiencing is likely a form of self-sabotage or the subconscious resistance to receiving the love you deserve.
How to Reconnect and Expand Your Soul Connection
If you’re feeling uncertain about the relationship, the key isn’t to run. It’s to lean in and expand the connection. Soul connections are meant to grow, evolve, and deepen. Here’s how you can reignite the spark and shift the energy in your relationship:
- Shift Your Perspective: Focus on everything that’s working in the relationship. What makes you smile? What drew you to them in the first place? Lean into the positive energy and amplify it.
- Lean Into Vulnerability: Open yourself up to deeper intimacy. Speak your truth, express your desires, and allow yourself to be seen in your raw, authentic self.
- Create Together: Build new memories, create shared goals, and dream together. Soul connections thrive when both partners are working towards something greater than themselves.
- Work with Energy: Tap into manifestation techniques, visualization, and energy work to align your relationship with the highest version of what it can be. You create your reality, and this includes your relationships.
- Seek Guidance: Work with a coach or mentor who focuses on spiritual expansion and energy work, not just trauma or past responses. This is about growing into the best relationship of your life, not staying stuck in old stories.
You Don’t Leave, You Expand
Leaving a soul connection because of temporary discomfort or emotional distance doesn’t serve your highest good. You’ve manifested this relationship for a reason, and it’s here to expand you, not break you.
Instead of asking whether you should leave, ask yourself how you can shift the energy, elevate the connection, and create the relationship you truly desire. You are the creator of your reality, and this relationship is no different.
The answer is rarely to walk away—it’s to rise and meet the love that’s waiting for you when you align with your highest self. Trust that your soul connection is a gift you’ve called in, and that it’s up to you to step into the fullness of what’s possible.
True love stays
